What is a mentor?

This word sometimes seems thrown around and forced upon people especially in the workforce. We are encouraged to find a mentor or be one to another (forced mentoring programs to me are ineffective), but how does mentoring work? And, why did I wait till my mid 20s to find any?

Today, mentors are the single largest reason I am where I am in all areas of life. Here is my journey to how I found my mentors and why everyone needs them.I started life without people I admired. Instead, I surrounded myself with friends that I thought I could control. I grew up with crushingly low self esteem and because of that latched onto whatever person would give me their free time. As I got older those people predictability abandoned me for more quality friends and boyfriends. It was devastating, but a life lesson in how to treat others. Later on in life, there were a few I had to make amends to for my horrible behavior, and thankfully there is one I am still in touch with.Then I joined the Navy and realized merit was what got you ahead and quite frankly, kept me from failure. I always worked extremely hard in my Navy schools to pass, harder than I thought anyone else. Electronics and other science-based concepts never came naturally to me, and I got frustrated often. But despite these challenges, I never had a mentor. My fear of going back to dead end jobs in Columbus Ohio motivated me to push farther. Before the Navy from 14 to 19, I worked at least 10 low wage jobs, never able to afford college and my poor spending habits got me into debt.At my first duty station, an incident happened that gave me a new perspective on life and drew me to church, fitness and positive friends. I learned a lot about myself, improved my mental state through counseling but still I had no mentors. Looking back, I would have never sought a mentor because I didn't think highly enough of myself to think anyone would want to mentor me, a common reason why people don't seek them.Then in 2002 and 2003, the war in Iraq began, and I was working 13-hour shifts on the flight deck of the USS Abraham Lincoln and a technical representative named Ron Deanne came into my life. Ron took me under his wing after witnessing firsthand the workplace bullying directed toward me. He said I needed to find my passion in life, but more importantly he listened to me. He made me his personal engine turn assistant, which gave me time to temporarily leave my work center and get an important shipboard qualification. Then after he left the ship, he emailed me every day just to make sure I was doing ok. Never had I felt so appreciated and never had an older person like that taken such a genuine interest in my welfare.At around this same time, my Godmother started emailing me on the ship. This was the beginning of a supportive and loving relationship that continues to this day. She is my life coach on many topics, from career, to friends, to relationships and what hobbies and volunteer work I should try. She is patient, yet critical and not afraid to tell me when I am going down a bad path. She and Ron gave me a blueprint for seeking out other mentors and how I can pass on this assistance to others.Presently, I try to help people in ways I've been helped, be that in how to become a public affairs officer, or friends that I give advice to or especially to the enlisted that think no one is looking out for them. Perhaps there are just a few people that I can pinpoint and say, "I am their mentor" maybe because I consider them more friends than mentees. But I care deeply about the people that have worked for me. I know what it feels like not to have people in your life that care about you and have made it a point to recognize formally the folks in my life that I've had the privilege of leading and those that have helped me in my darkest periods.Mentors come in all fields, be that in personal fitness, relationship advice, exploring your passions or if you want to start a new company. There are people that come into your life for a reason. Explore those relationships and take their advice, especially if they have wisdom that can help you in your struggles. And mentoring others not only gives you a feeling of usefulness and fulfillment, it can take the selfish focus away from your problems and instead gives you the ability to inspire others and possibly change lives.I am so thankful for the mentors in my life that never give up on me, ones that are always encouraging me to be better and ones that don't cast judgment when I fall. Instead, they help me by going into problem-solving mode and make me realize that my problems in life are normal issues many struggle with. My flaws make me human.If you don't have a mentor, befriend someone you admire. That's the first step. And take a genuine interest in those around you that were in similar positions to you at an earlier stage in life. You'll build a beautiful friendship and form a deep connection with another. One that surpasses shallow small talk and instead helps you both become better people. I am the person you read about here because of my mentors, and I continue to grow as an individual because of the positive support network built around me. I feel blessed to have this and hope you'll seek out those people in your life that inspire you. Perhaps contact them today. You might make a call that will change your life.Special thanks to Mary Eve Corrigan, Lara Bollinger, and Melissa Weatherspoon for helping provide feedback on this post.