Do you help others when there’s nothing in it for you?

(here’s a tip – do it!)

I listen to a lot of podcasts. So many it’s inspired me to start my own. One of my favorite themes is listening to growth stories – they are those origin tales that explain how they overcame obstacles and became successful. I listen to them because they inspire me to push through my challenges, face my fears of not being worthy enough, and as one marketing slogan so famously declares, “Just do it.” As I’m listening to these mega-successful podcast guests, one ingredient stands above all else in how they did it.

They did not get there through hard work alone. They did not get there by learning everything by themselves from reading books and watching videos. They did not get there because they were born with super genes that made them far superior to you and me.

No, they got there because they asked for help. Case in point. At the very moment, I’m typing these words, my husband is fixing a massive leak that was causing half of our home to collapse and leaking since the home was built due to shoddy construction. Installing the I-beams, flashing, house wrap and other terms I’ve just learned was the result of him telling our home leak story online. A YouTube follower and general contractor viewed it. He then contacts my husband and suggests a novel way to fix the leak that not one GC here in Norfolk understood how to do. The contractors here in Norfolk who gave us estimates wanted to replace all the rotted structural boards and charge us 20-40k. But wait there’s more. We could not even get a more specific estimate until we forked over at least a thousand dollars for a structural engineer.

Instead of handing over large sums of cash just to get that estimate, this YouTube commenter sent my husband a technical bulletin with an innovative splicing strategy that’s relatively new in the GC world. My husband now has a solution he can do himself at a fraction of the estimates the contractors gave us.

Was there anything in it for this contractor living across the country to write my husband and send him this information? Not a damn thing. He did it because he enjoys sharing his hard-won expertise with others, and took time out of his busy day fixing houses to share what he does well to help a fellow fix-it guy, resulting in saving us tens of thousands of dollars in home repairs.   

Now I do have a caveat. Asking for help means helping yourself too. Had this contractor not shared this valuable insight, I’m confident my husband would have found some way to get the job done. He’s very resourceful and never gives up. He searches endlessly on forums, online groups and uses his decades of experience understanding how stuff is made to figure out a problem. He also has the confidence within himself that even if no one can help, he’ll eventually figure it out.

There is no easy way out of anything hard than to research endlessly and experiment with multiple solutions. You get in the arena every day and try different approaches even if you fail. I know this isn’t easy because sometimes people won’t help. Many people did not get the best start in life and don’t know how to show up in the world to help. I guarantee you will run across many of these types of people who don’t want to help you, who cannot help you, who don’t return your calls or emails, and who are not there for you when you need that emotional support. I work on every day being more understandable of that because I’ve been in that dark space where I internalized everything and thought the world owed me something. Now instead of being a victim unable to help myself, I remember we all have families who come first or demanding careers. We all have to prioritize, and we all have to learn the art of saying no.

So there is an art to asking for help – do as much as you can on your own, keep seeking help and ask someone else or approach the problem differently. I’m not that religious, but I have faith I’ll eventually figure it out, and/or the universe will put people in my path when the time is right.

I share this so that maybe the next time an email pops in your inbox asking for help instead of being annoyed and feeling just one more pull on your precious time, you pause and consider the request. Maybe your unconditional help with advice, with your expertise, with your time sharing your life experiences is the catalyst that helps them help themselves. You could change a life. Do your part, and the world gets a little kinder in the process.